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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in artai's LiveJournal:

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Friday, August 5th, 2011
3:05 am
Care of: Schmoyoho (accent on the Yo!)

And as the rain fell
I couldn't quite tell
if those were tear drops in your eyes.
We both thought that this would last,
So how could it end so fast...
We didn't want to say goodbye.

And I know we're so far away
that it's hard to say "Hello Again"
But it's much harder to pretend
That we're only two old friends
so let's say "Hello Again..."
Hello Again.

I'm still in the same town
But nothing the same now
Though you've only been gone a little while.
I can't seem to help but think
That things shoulda gone differently
'Cause we didn't want to say goodbye.

If you can hear me
Please know you're near me
Even when you're so far away
Despite all the world's distractions
And all of the time that's passing
I think of you every single day

All i can do is hope that you'll
Say it too
Hello, hello again.

Life's good, I just feel like something's missing.

Current Mood: hopeful
Tuesday, July 12th, 2011
1:20 am
Wherein Artai has come full circle.
Working now, in a great kitchen. Doing all sorts of random off-site nonesense like festivals and concerts alongside great people.

Things are good. I've pulled myself together.

I think I found my New Game+.

Current Mood: grounded
Wednesday, August 11th, 2010
3:48 am
It was all raining and lightning... and shit

Shards of light crash,
Blinding sleepers
Through troubled eyelids.
Roars recurring, like nightmares
Evoking a face to fear.

Jagged pitchforks
Silhouette clouded minds
Roiling with thoughts of
Battlefields and beasts
Old, new, and ever evolving.

Cold, Time, then Warmth
Calm sweat soaked dreams.
Mimicking the dull pounding
Like distant laughter of gods
Who know fearlessness is an act.

Current Mood: artistic
Tuesday, April 20th, 2010
4:45 am
It's that time of year...
School's almost done, last week and everything. I've still got some extra work to do before I graduate but it's small stuff, I think.

It's hard to look forward past the weeks as they come up, especially now. My carrot on a stick, my hopeful reward for what I was working toward hasn't been there since the year started.

I'm perfectly capable of being about 30-50% better than what I'm able to slog out these days, but I'm just not into it. Things keep going wrong and at best I keep finding myself less and less inclined to believe the kind words of those around me.

I was supposed to be going to Buffalo after school, I was supposed to be getting married in New Hampshire in August in a rose garden with new and old friends around to celebrate. I was supposed to be happy after all that hard work I did getting to this point.

Instead I'm just filled with disgust at what occurred at just about any point this year. I've had my good moments I guess but they feel so overshadowed. I have my last blackbox of the year tomorrow and all I can do is cringe, feeling ridiculously talentless and unsure of myself. I just don't want to go in, this same fear and shame have kept me from going to school on multiple occasions this year. Really I've been literally worrying myself sick on multiple occasions.

I wish I could take the time to properly disparage Angel, but even at this point of almost palpable disgust at her I can't say she meant any harm. She made her decision, whether bad or good I don't know, and pulled it off in the most tasteless and selfish fashion possible.

I just want to get everything over with, find a job, work some of this debt off, and move somewhere with friends and start a new life.

That was the plan initially anyway.

Current Mood: Numb
Thursday, December 31st, 2009
3:01 pm
Dear 2010...
Don't suck as much as the passing year has sucked.

Maybe even be awesome... if you could.
Thursday, December 24th, 2009
6:59 pm
And just like that the feelings faded
Apostles of a love abated
Drifting from the dying storm
Uncovering arisen form

Discovered fossils teach us
The world we know was once
Controlled by those
With contrasting passion
and those of Pure logic
Dancing between each other
Learning every step
Enjoying every motion
That every song

Current Mood: At peace
Tuesday, December 1st, 2009
6:33 am
On Schoolwork
I've been having a lot of trouble with schoolwork lately.

Not that it's difficult, not that I don't understand, it's that when I sit down to write absolutely anything these days I just want to do anything but. I've been agonizing over working on a project all night and have about 1/2 a page to show for myself. I tried to work on it at school a few days ago, but couldn't bring myself to get anywhere with it.

I'm not sure if it has something to do with the way they're planned out. Maybe it has to do with the fact that any of the projects that have something to do with writing Menus makes me wretch (I hate writing menus). That's probably it, although I think there's a deeper rooted problem that I'm just barely touching on that has something to do with being happy where I am but wishing I was elsewhere and much happier.


I'm looking forward to Christmas, mostly because I'll be happy to see some of my *ahem* "long lost" friends this year and catch up. I've been trying to figure out what to do after school, and I've yet to figure it out fully. I'm thinking it will have much to do with moving from the island, if nothing more than to connect with myself, as well as perhaps others on a level where I have no real baggage until I feel the need to bring it up. Starting fresh, New Game+ if you will.

On one hand the idea intrigues me, I'm pretty confident in my ability to make friends and create social networks, however the price is leaving those with whom I've already connected behind, to suffer the life of facebook friends or if they're lucky msn buddies or fellow wow-ists. That last one might not even be viable since I'm not sure if I'm going to continue to play wow after this time-card expires. I have said that before, but I think that this is a little different than before.

Hmmm... what else.

I keep meaning to write some shorts, and/or some Shadows of Gaia notes but not really getting to it. I think I might call upon someone for help on that level. It's difficult when your best friend abandons you while refusing to admit that they have, even if it's only for a set period of time. I was forced to yank on strings that I truthfully had no idea would even be connected to anyone anymore and find new people to confide in and trust. Alex was pretty much always there for me (My friend from school, probably the closest thing I had to a best friend for a while now) and recently Violetmay has been there for me, which I've been extremely thankful for. Not to belittle the work that everyone else has done, really and truly even just hearing from most people works miracles on my mood and I'm very appreciative, but in every situation there are people that either understand better or just happen to be far more reassuring than the rest.

So yeah, I've got to leave for school in ten minutes without a project that's due today. I'm pretty sure I'll live, but I imagine it's pretty unimpressive to my instructor. I have a good amount of respect for him, and I really do hate to think I might be faltering or losing his respect.

I should probably start getting real amounts of sleep, even if I'm keeping bizarre hours.

I have my moments, my instances, my pangs if you will of missing Angel but they're much farther and fewer inbetween. I can easily daydream again without picturing her as my companion. I can imagine a future without her for the first time in years, and despite the pain in brings me to think I have to look back on those years and see them as a learning experience and not "fucking wasted" that's coming along as well. I don't think I'll ever actually forgive her, and to an equal degree forgive myself for turning down what she gave me up for.

Some people see Faith as a bad word. I brim with the shit, I have a lot of faith in the people I spend my time with, that when things go sour they won't drop me for the easy route. I don't think I do believe that naturally the human soul is good, I just like to surround myself with those I think are. It makes these times harder and easier at the same time because if one friend bails, the rest are almost always still there for me.

The ten minutes passed a bit ago, I should probably scoot.
Thanks for reading, or at the very least skimming.

Current Mood: anxious
Wednesday, November 25th, 2009
3:40 am

I loved you like razors
You repaid me in kind.
First fallen
now calling
Me back to your arms.

No room for Lover, masochist,
or Dreams once thought fulfilled:
Faulted only,
Passions lonely,
On Earth as they are in heaven.

You made me a traitor
No Honour to find.
Not blaming,
Just stating,
I murdered my love just for you.

Current Mood: determined
Wednesday, November 4th, 2009
12:28 pm
A lot has happened since I alst posted to Lj. Really it does feel like it's met its end too.
Still I know there are a few that use this to get info about me, and really I miss the fact that I actually used to write huge things on here instead of the crummy snippits I put up on facebook.

I want to write again, and I may start using lj to get things out of my system as well.

In any case, here goes:

I had the worst summer of my life this year. My internship was hell, I was overworked and underpayed. It demoralized me to the point that I couldn't stand up for myself.

Angel left me, which at this point I feel was probably my fault yet not really. I was there when she needed me, but wasn't able to provide the proper support and she found that in another man with whom she did not cheat on me with.

I'm having trouble with school, not because it's hard but because the summer sucked my passion for the field out of me, and I'm finding it hard to gather up again.

The thing I'm most grateful for right now are my friends who are there to support and help me, and whom Angel is a part of and will always be a part of.

That's pretty much it. I'd love to hear from everyone I know, mostly to apologize for disappearing or at the very least losing touch and on a selfish note, because I miss my old friends terribly and want to hear them or at the very least see what they write. :b
Thursday, April 30th, 2009
2:20 am
Been almost a year since I've even posted here. I apologize to those that might actualyl use this to watch my movements and activities or whatnot.

I just finished my first year of culinary school, getting married to angel next year, starting my internship soon.

I'm great at summing things up apparently.
Thursday, July 17th, 2008
1:43 am
So apparently Joss Whedon's doing a free online thingy that will be finished on the 19th then taken off the net on the 20th. Seriously, this is pretty freaking hilarious.

I will be taking it upon myself to spread the word about this.

Ps. Nathan Fillion, The dude what played Mal from firefly, is in this and he says penis, so now all the womenfolk must see this.

Also: Niel Patrick Harris is the main character dude.


Current Mood: Wtfomgroflmaobbq
Tuesday, April 1st, 2008
1:04 am
Still to do.
1. Check on bank account types
2. Read through the HC calender
3. Write
Monday, March 31st, 2008
1:22 am
To Do list:
1. Drop of resumes.
2. Check the new account types for my bank.
3. Do some writing.
4. Read through the HC calender.
5. Dishes and other cleaning.

Current Mood: blah
Wednesday, March 5th, 2008
3:55 am
d20's around the world rolled 1's
Gary Gygax died March 4th 2008.

This weeks edition of the Temple of Elemental Evil will be special, and in his honour, so it better happen.

He was a man of Jim Henson proportions.

Current Mood: a -2 to all rolls.
Sunday, January 13th, 2008
5:47 am
Love what's gone
Yersinia was a biter.
She was the first rat that Angel got, purchased from a friend who was raising rats as food for his monitor lizard. She had a rough childhood for a rat, I imagine, stuck in a small cage waiting to be taken from her mother to be eaten. She never got used to hands, they scared her a bit I think.

Nobody was really able to get close to her except me mostly because my fingers are pretty tough and I always wished she would warm up to me, which she seemed to. A lot of rats would probably get euthanized for being a biter, but it didn't seem right to me to save her from being eaten just to kill her for being scared of the world around her.

I think it was one of the saddest moments I've had in a long time when I found her, unable to move in her cage. I brought her out and cuddled her trying to figure out what was wrong and she started cuddling into me. She seemed grotesquely happy at the fact that I wanted to help her so much. She died in front of both Angel and I, had a heart attack after whatever had caused her to collapse in the first place.

I think the harder you want to help, the worse it is when they finally have to leave. I just hope that the time she had with us was comfort enough to her, and that she had a good run all in all. She was a learning rat, and her sisters will be much better for it for many years to come. Despite the fact that this will probably happen many times as rats don't live very long, this time will be the hardest for me.

I don't think that I like this game,
I don't think I understood all the rules.
Do you just go on?
Love what's gone?

Current Mood: crushed
Wednesday, November 21st, 2007
6:30 am
Speaking of the Muppets.
This made me both extremely happy and sad at the same time.

Wednesday, July 25th, 2007
5:28 am
Tonight on the Muppet show...


I know a lot of people liked the movie, but FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

I fully agree with that comic, the movie wasn't transformers, it was like and episode of the muppet show with transformers as the guest stars. They showed up for a few skits, made some jokes and sang a song all the while the muppets did their thing.

I would've been much happier watching 2 hours of beast wars episodes, or just listening to Waspinator yamming on.

God knows I love me some Waspinator.
Tuesday, July 10th, 2007
4:01 am
Okay, Omg.
Also: on a similar note, the Penny Arcade game has a few trailers out already.

3:52 am
I want to buy a PS3, and there are rumors going around that the price is dropping by about $100 in a few weeks. There are also articles out there stating that the price cut is a load of crap.

Can someone get me some legitimate sources of this price drop rumor or have you guys seen that it's bullshit already?

Leave some comments.
Wednesday, June 6th, 2007
5:39 am
There will be more.
Calico jumped from the rigging, landing with a wet thud as his hooves hit the deck. He had been stuck in the crow's nest since sundown with salt crusting the fur on his legs and his eye in a spyglass. His red one to be precise, it was part of his birthmark from his father, not through genes but through actions. He was the product of a demon's bargain, his hooves killed his mother at childbirth and his eyes killed his father. If he had been a lesser man Calico's father would've lived a long life as a famous brewer, unfortunately he was a good man. He couldn't let his son be killed as a demon, he left his home and travelled doing anything he could for food so his demon-son could live. He died on a boat to a free town where they might be able to live. Worst part was that he didn't get a burial, the captain tossed his body overboard like any stow away while Calico hid in the brig with the cargo. Calico never let the crew see him leave, afraid for his life, and he started working on the docks until he was old enough to join a crew.
Calico had forgiven his father many times, not because he thought his father did anything wrong, but because he asked him to. Calico never felt weird, never felt like anything was wrong with him, and most of all he never felt held back. He walked over to the tar barrel and banged on the top wrapping himself with his cloak. The barrel top popped open and an orc with a strangely slight build climbed out of it and began to brace the door to the crew's quarters closed as Calico trudged to the bow.
Nobody had helped Calico as he made a name for himself in Freeport, not that he really wanted help, but the offer would've been appreciated. Luckily it was never really needed, he was good at keeping his promises and that kept quality people ready to work with him. He grabbed hold of a rope leading to the point of the bow and whistled sharply. Four green iridescent scaled hands grabbed the deck under the gunnel. A four armed Sahuagin pulled himself onto the deck, grinning widely at Calico, handing him two rapiers that were strapped to his back and he readied his own trident. Calico grinned the same grin back at the scaley fellow, pulling open his cloak and strapping his rapiers to his sides.
Calico had grown quite fond of the underbelly of freeport, but had the problem of favouring those with hearts, the villains with a speck of conscience, those were his friends. He wrapped his cloak around himself again and jumped over the rail to the deck below, directly in front of the door to the captain's quarters. He knocked softly on the door until he heard the familiar voice tell him to enter.
"Captain, it seems all clear out there. I didn't see any pirate ships anywhere near the boat, but there is one problem..." Calico stepped into the dim light of the captain's chambers towards the chart table. The captain looked up from his charts and scowled at Calico as he stood and began to pace to his liquor cabinet. The captain poured himself a shot as he replied, "And what problem would that be, lookout?"
Calico grinned the same grin that got him this job. "The pirates never had a ship sir." Calico grinned the same grin that saved Toregg, an orc with debts as he stepped towards the captain. "Apparently the pirates have moved on from this port for quite some time..." Calico grinned the same grin that befriended Salizar, the sahuagin mutant who had trouble getting work because of his race as he drew his rapiers from beneath his cloak.. "You see, the pirates that roam this port need a boat. And their captain decided that the man who deprived his father of a decent burial might be good enough to loan him one." Calico grinned the grin that made him feared and loved in Freeport.
The captain's eyes grew wide and he tried to rush for his weapon only to find a rapier blocking his route. "Yeah, sounds a bit cliche, but I'm a good natured type and I doubt you even know who I am. I'll give you a choice..." Calico walked the captain to the large double windows of his room. "You can try and swim back to shore, or you can float back, either way I'm sure my father would be just dandy proud of his son." Calico grinned the same grin that he would be grinning for the rest of his life as captain of the Brandy Jezebel. "Open the windows cap'n, 'cause either way you're going to be soggy in a moment."

Yo ho, Yo ho a pirate's life for me.
I think I might do what Etch is gonna do, make a few ideas and see what's going on.

Current Mood: accomplished
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